Forgetting Him
by Crimson Tranquility
Summary: Shirley's thoughts as Lelouch's geass erases her memory of the most important thing to her.... him.


**Author's Note**: Heyyyy everyone! Okay here's the dealio.... I came across Code Geass by mistake one day and was instantly hooked! I absolutely love the scene between Shirley and Lelouch when he erases her memory. It was one of the first scenes I ever saw of Code Geass and it is truly touching and heart-wrenching! Let me know how you like it! **Review and I'll love you forever!** :D

Disclaimer: Yeah, yeah, we all know the drill here. I don't own Code Geass... blah blah blah.

* * *

**Forgetting Him**

She watched the cable car slow to a stop. Shirley's fingers tightened around the cold metal of the gun. Her fingers shook with nervousness as the gun slipped slightly from the sweat on her hands.

His face was suddenly in front of her. Tall and thin, the boy smirked at her with violet eyes and black hair that fell into his face. He was beautiful.

Could she do this? Hurt him? Hurt Lulu, the boy she was in love with?

_Lelouch tricked you, didn't he? He was Zero all this time. And you, you feigned vulnerability, expecting him to comfort you. Did it feel good to have him look at you with such sympathy? You're no heroine._

Her fists clenched the weapon as she tried to block out the strange man's words. Somehow, he knew everything about her and Lulu.

About how Zero killed her father. About how Lelouch was Zero. About how she couldn't kill Zero when she had the chance but shot someone else instead. He also knew about their kiss.

The strange man who knew everything about her told her to wait in the abandoned cable car station. He said he would bring Lelouch to her and as penance for their sins, both could die here.

She had to do this. There was no other choice. They needed to repent for their sins. Lulu and her would die. Together.

Immediately the image of his face filled her mind again. Sorrowful, violet eyes peered at her with his serious expression. Lulu the mastermind. Shirley always knew he was smart. She thought so the first time she spoke to him. Lulu could do so much with the mind he had. She just thought he was lazy and didn't apply himself.

How wrong she was. His brilliant mind was behind Zero's mask.

But could she really kill him? She wasn't able to even when he was wearing Zero's mask. How would she do it when he was standing in front of her as just Lulu? Her Lulu.

_Lelouch, why_?_ Why are you Zero? Why is it you?_

The cable car came to a complete stop and she saw the strange man inside wave her forward. With a blank expression, Shirley took a step towards the car and pointed the gun to the one person she never thought she could.

Lelouch's eyes deep violet eyes dilated as she saw him shout her name in surprise. Her grip on the gun faltered slightly and she held it tightly with both hands.

Lelouch jumped out of the car onto the platform stairs as he faced Shirley. The strange man walked behind him and stood below on the steps. For a second Shirley thought about how odd it was to actually be taller than Lelouch since she was standing higher up on the stairs. She always thought of him as tall. Then the thought was replaced when she remembered that he was Zero and she had to kill him.

His voice broke the silence. "Shirley, that gun…"

Somehow her mind found a way to answer. "Yes. It's Zero's gun. Yours, Lulu."

Shirley saw his expression turn to despair as he gazed at her. His hands fell slightly to his sides.

"Use your Geass," the strange man commanded from below. Lulu turned to look at him and Shirley took the moment to take a breathe. Lulu's eyes were hypnotic to her. She couldn't think when he looked at her.

Lulu and the strange man were saying something to each other. Shirley couldn't process the information. All that ran through her brain was that she needed to kill him. She needed to kill the boy she loved.

And then he was looking at her again with his violet eyes wide in horror. "Don't listen to him, Shirley! Did you really kill someone or did he say you did?"

Her hands shook worse than ever. _Lulu, I want to believe you_.

The strange man's words reverberated through her head again. _Lelouch tricked you, didn't he?_

He was manipulating her like he did to everyone else. He was Zero and he killed her father. And she, she had killed someone else to protect him. _I can't, Lulu. I can't believe you._

The weight of the gun suddenly seemed tremendous. Her vision blurred and it suddenly seemed like she was on fire. Her entire body felt unbelievable hot.

Now both were speaking to her. She could feel her blood pulsing and the sounds of their voices yelling to her made her head hurt.

Lulu's smiling face flashed through her head before the image of Zero's mask falling off of his face replaced it. The images repeated themselves through her mind until she could barely breathe.

_Father, what should I do_?

Shirley felt her throat dry up. Whenever she was confused about something, she would look to her father for guidance. But now… now… _Lulu killed you, Father_.

"If murder is a sin, then sin no more!" Lulu's voice rang with urgency.

_Now, kill him now!_ Her mind screamed at her and she pointed the gun towards him. "Just shut up!" she shrieked as her eyes closed and she shot the gun.

The sound of someone falling and a groan pulled her out of the hot pain she felt inside her head and she looked up shakily to see Lulu lying on the stairs as photographs scattered around him.

Shirley peered at them in confusion and her eyes widened as she realized they were pictures of her and Lulu, smiling together. But she… she just shot him.

Shirley gasped as she realized what she did. Lulu was groaning on the floor as he looked up at her with pain across his handsome features. Her vision blurred from the trickle of tears that suddenly formed.

Her eyes grasped the image of one of the pictures with her smiling and posing while Lulu stood in the background with a blank expression on his face. _Lulu_.

Then another picture she had snapped of Lulu sleeping on the lawn in front of the school with a book in his hand. His face was tranquil and peaceful. _Lulu, I…_

Finally the last two of Lulu and her surrounded by their friends and smiling happily. _Lulu, I… I shot you?_

She couldn't believe it. She shot him. Her Lulu. The boy she loved. Shirley was vaguely aware that she was shaking.

"What are you waiting for?" the strange man asked curiously. "He killed your father! Kill him, he's just a murderer!"

_That's right, Lulu, you killed my father! You're Zero! But I… I love you. I love you, Lulu. What… what should I do?_

Lulu's thin figure shook slightly as he grasped his arm tightly. _I must have shot him there_, she thought as she trembled.

His soft voice carried over to her. "Shirley."

The strange man was talking again. "What's with this bitch? Her thoughts are all mixed up! Fine I'll-"

Shirley gasped. The man pointed the gun at her Lulu. Like the time she saw Lulu was in danger when that other woman found him as Zero and was ready to hurt him, Shirley's reflexes took over and she pressed the trigger again. This time at the strange man.

"Stop! Stop!" she screeched.

The strange man ducked down. Slowly he looked up see if the coast was clear and put up his hands in surrender as he walked back onto the cable car.

Shirley felt the last of her energy fade as she fell forward. Her eyes drooped as she heard Lulu yell out her name. His arms caught her and she collided into his body.

He held her at arms length as he tried to comfort her. "Shirley, it's all right," he murmured gently and Shirley felt a tug at her heart. She couldn't do it. She still couldn't hurt him.

Even after knowing he was Zero. Even after knowing he killed her father. She couldn't hurt him. Not Lulu.

Her arms sagged and Shirley felt her voice crack slightly. "Lulu, I shot someone…"

"-It's my fault! It's not you fault, Shirley." And his arms were tightly around her. Shirley couldn't help but feel saddened that she secretly wanted him to hold her closer.

Her father's murder and the boy she loved were one in the same. And she didn't care. She loved him.

With a pang of guilt, Shirley suddenly realized that she had shot at him. Her arms grasped the leathery material of his jacket and she cried out into his shirt. "But I shot you too, Lulu!"_ I almost killed you! I almost killed the most important person to me!_

"I forgive you. Lay your sins on me!" His husky voice was desperate and she felt herself grow weak.

She wanted this. She wanted him. It wasn't right. "I wanted you to comfort me," she sobbed into the material of his shirt.

"What's wrong with that?"

"But my dad died!" She couldn't love him but she did. _How? How did she come to love him so much_?

He pulled her face away from his jacket so he could look at her. His violet eyes blazed with determination. "Just forget it all."

Forget it all?

How could she forget that her father was killed by Zero and that Zero was the boy she loved?

How could she forget that she couldn't kill her father's murderer but could only seek comfort from him?

How could she forget that she killed someone to protect Zero, the one she loved?

"I can't!" She yelled out in agony, her eyes screwed shut with pain.

"You can!"

Her eyes opened slowly as he murmured, "I'll make you forget it all."

_Make me forget it all? Make me… forget?_

Shirley's mouth opened and she couldn't breathe. "No…" She gazed into his deep violet eyes that were fiery and resolute. They were hypnotizing.

The Geass. The power to control people. Shirley saw her reflection in his eyes and she found that she couldn't look away.

He would tell her to forget everything and she would obey. There was no doubt about it. She would forget that Lulu was Zero. She would forget about the entire situation with the strange man. She would forget that she shot Lulu.

She would forget him.

Lulu's beautiful violet eyes changed to a deep red. "Lulu… NO!" The crimson of his pupil turned to a strange shape as it penetrated her mind.

"Forget about me, Shirley."

- - - - - -

Something played with her mind, rearranging events and fading out others.

She struggled. _Lulu, no! I love you. Don't make me forget you, LULU!!_

Snapshots of memories flew through her mind as they slowly disappeared. A memory of when they first met and how she couldn't get over the strange color of his eyes. _Gone._

Another of when she first found out they would be working together on the student council. He smiled down at her. _Gone._

Lulu wheeled a beautiful girl in a wheelchair towards the gardens and introduced Shirley to his younger sister. The sadness of his eyes captivated Shirley. _Gone_.

Lulu sleeping in the grass as Shirley snuck up on him and took a couple of pictures before student council president Milly caught her and woke Lulu up. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes slowly and wondered why the president would wake him up because of that. _Gone._

At one of the school's dances, president Milly and the other student council members had worked all day to put the event together and finally they were able to enjoy the dance as well. Milly pushed Lulu towards Shirley and told him to ask her to dance. _Gone._

Shirley's hands rested lightly on his broad shoulders as his warm hands held her waist. The two swayed to the music as they looked anywhere but at each other and blushed. _Gone_.

And one of Shirley's most vivid ones.

The day was supposed to be amazing because Shirley finally got the courage to ask Lulu out. Well she sort of asked. More like shoved a concert ticket in his hand and told him to be there. But he hadn't said no.

She had gotten a call that there was a problem with her father. She needed to go and see if he was okay.

"Um… I'm sorry I'm late," Lulu's soft voice was apologetic and pacifying as he held the umbrella over her head. The concert was nearly over.

She didn't notice that she was soaked. She couldn't even feel the icy cold droplets. They mixed with her salty tears.

Shirley felt her heart give a tug. Her father was dead. She needed Lulu right now.

"Lulu," she murmured barely over the rain. "Zero protects the weak right?"

"That's what he says."

"Then why did he kill my father?" She stopped looking at the ground and slowly raised her head to gaze at wide violet eyes filled with horror. _Gone._

Everyone else left her and Lulu standing in the graveyard alone. He stood in front of her with grief written across his handsome features. His forever sad eyes seemed even more at war than ever. Shirley couldn't take it. She always wanted to make him smile but here he was depressed on her account. _Gone._

She saw Zero's machine crash on the floor. Tightening her hands around the gun, she walked forward and pointed it towards the mask. Suddenly the mask slipped off as Lulu moaned and passed out._ Gone._

The strange man was yelling at her to shoot him while Lulu called out to her desperately. Her finger tapped the trigger and shot at Lulu. _Gone_.

Her purse dropped to the ground. "Lulu, help me…"

Her body moved on its own as she launched herself at him and her toes stretched her higher. Her lips touched his desperately. She felt his arms wrap around her and hold her close to him.

Soft lips moved against hers as the rain poured around them. His hands held onto her comfortably as she felt herself go dizzy from their kiss. The rain continued to pour around them.

Her brain was telling her to forget it. To discard this memory and let it fade. _No. Not this one. I can't let this one go! Please! Lulu, no… not this one!_

His voice from faraway reverberated strangely through her mind again. _Forget about me, Shirley._

And he was gone.

- - - - - -

Shirley woke up alone in the cable car platform. _Why am I here_? She slowly walked outside and stared at the building. It was already dark outside. She couldn't remember how long she had been here for.

Sighing slightly, she turned around and saw a handsome boy standing there. He had sad violet eyes. _Maybe he lost someone too._

"Umm, excuse me... did you lose a family member too?" she asked him softly.

"No, not a family member… a friend. A great friend."

Shirley gazed at the beautiful boy. "I see," she murmured.

"Loss makes you realize a lot of things, doesn't it?" he said softly as he stared at the ground. "How much you loved her smile, how you'll never fight or laugh together again."

Shirley suddenly felt strange for a moment but the feeling left just as fast as it had come. "You love her, didn't you?" Whoever this girl was, this boy had loved her. She must have been someone truly special for such a beautiful boy like him to look so sad.

The boy turned away slightly. "I don't know any more."

Shirley couldn't help but want to make the boy smile. "A new day will come." She looked at him gently and smiled. "I didn't even know why I'd come here a moment ago. I just needed to see this place one last time. I could never forget my father and there's sure to be a lot more sadness to come, but a new day will come. So there's no need to hold it all in."

He smiled a genuine smile and Shirley felt lightheaded. _Such a beautiful smile_. "You're right, I think so too," he spoke softly and his eyes weren't sad anymore as he looked at the ground. He turned away from her. "Thank you for everything."

Shirley gazed at his retreating form in confusion. For some reason it felt like he meant something else when he said those words instead of just thanking her for talking to him.

Shirley decided that something must have happened to the girl because there was no way someone could just forget about a boy as special as him.

_No one could forget a boy like him._

_

* * *

_

Well?! Didya like it? Tell me about it! Please please please please review! I'll very much appreciate the feedback. :D


End file.
